为您找到与经典爆笑笑话12篇 英语笑话大全相关的共200个结果:
下面是读文网小编整理的英语经典爆笑冷笑话,希望对大家有帮助。
Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor, the doctor gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well, and in fact, beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. "Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!" "That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"
汤姆早上老起不来,所以上班总是迟到。他的老板非常生气,警告他如果他不能有所改善的话就炒他的鱿鱼。于是,汤姆去看医生,医生给了他一颗药丸并告诉他要在睡觉前服下这颗药。汤姆照医生的话做了,睡得非常之好,事实上,他在早上闹钟响之前就起来了。汤姆从容不迫地吃完早餐,然后兴高采烈地开车上班去了。 “老板”,汤姆说,“那药真管用,我的睡眠好极了!” “是够管用的,”老板说,“问题是,昨天你人哪去了”?
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下面是读文网小编整理的经典爆笑英语笑话,希望对大家有帮助。
My cousin always "borrows" money from her older brother's piggy bank, which drives him crazy.
我表妹总是从她哥哥的小猪扑满里“借钱”,她哥哥对此事感到很愤怒。
One day, she found the piggy in, of all places, the refrigerator.
一天,表妹四处寻找,最后竟然在冰箱里发现了扑满。
Inside was this note: "Dear sister, I hope you'll understand, but my capital has been frozen."
扑满里有张纸条:“亲爱的妹妹,我希望你能够理解,我的资产现在已被冻结。”
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下面是读文网小编整理的英语爆笑经典笑话,以供大家学习参考。
A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and asks, “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?”
一个结巴壮汉走进一家百货公司问柜员:“男……男装部在……在哪儿?”
The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing.
柜台后的柜员看着他不搭话。
The man repeats himself, “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?” Again, the clerk doesn’t answer him.
那男人又重复道:“男装……装部在……在哪儿?”柜员还是不理他。
The guy asks several more times, “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?” And the clerk just seems to ignore him. Finally, the guy is angry and storms off.
壮汉问了好几遍柜员依旧如故。最后,壮汉气冲冲地走了。
The customer who was waiting in line behind the guy asks the clerk, “Why wouldn’t you answer that guy’s questions?”
排在后面的顾客问那个柜员:“你怎么不答人家话呀?”
The clerk answers, “D-d-d-do you th-th-th-think I w-w-w-want to get b-b-b-beat up?!!”
柜员说:“你……你觉着我……我想找打……打是吧!?”
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下面是读文网小编整理的经典爆笑英语冷笑话,希望对大家有帮助。
Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble?" "I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package but no one was home. My husband was in all morning. He never heard a thing!" After apologizing, I got her parcel. "Oh, good," she gushed. "We've been waiting for this for ages." "What is it?" I asked. "My husband's new hearing aid."
我在邮局上班,对于顾客们的各种情绪早已习以为常了。所以,有一天当一个生气的顾客气冲冲地来到我的工作台时,我还是非常平静地问她,“有什么问题吗?”“我早上上街了,”女顾客说,“我回到家的时候,我看到一个卡片,卡片说邮递员要给我们家送包裹,但没人在家。可是我的丈夫整个早上都在家啊。他说他什么都没听到”。在表示了歉意之后,我把包裹给了她。“噢,太好了”,那位女顾客喜形于色。“我们等这东西都等多少年了!”“是什么好东西?”我问。“我丈夫的新助听器”。
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下面是读文网小编整理的英语经典爆笑笑话,欢迎大家阅读!
A young couple was on their way to get married when they had an accident and died. Now they were in front of St. Peter and the young lady asked if they could get married. St. Peter told them, he would have to get back to them with an answer. Around 30 days later St. Peter returns and tells the couple that they can get married in heaven. The young lady then asks St. Peter, “If things just don't work out can we get a divorce?" St. Peter looks at her and replies, " Lady it took me 30 days to find a preacher up here do you really think I am going to find a lawyer?!!"
一对年轻的夫妇在去结婚的路上出了车祸,双双死去了。于是,他们来到了圣徒彼得面前,妻子问是否她还可以和丈夫结婚,圣徒彼得告诉他们,关于这个问题他一有了结果就会回来找他们。差不多30天以后,圣徒彼得回来了,并且告诉他们可以在天堂结婚。妻子又问:“如果生活的不愉快,我们可不可以离婚呢?”圣徒彼得看着她,回答说:“夫人,我花了30天才找到个传教士,难道你真的希望我再去找个律师吗?”
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下面是读文网小编整理的英语经典爆笑笑话,以供大家学习参考。
At 2 a. m, Mrs. Culkin was convinced that she had heard a prowler in the living, room. "Tiptoe down-stairs," she told her husband. "Don' t turn on the lights. Sneak up him before he knows what's happening
Dutifully Mr. Culkin put on his robe. Just as he reached the bedroom door, his wife added, "And when you come back, bring me a glass of milk."
半夜两点,科尔肯太太确信听到客厅有贼,便对丈夫说:“别开灯,蹑手蹑脚下楼,别让贼发觉,悄悄靠近他。”
科尔肯先生披上外套,责无旁贷地去捉贼。刚走到卧室门口,他妻子又补充说:“回来时给我捎杯牛奶。”
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下面是读文网小编整理的经典爆笑英语笑话,欢迎大家阅读!
A little girl from the East Side was invited to a garden party given by a very aristocratic lady to a group of little East-Siders.
The little girl, as she drank her tea and ate her plum-cake on a velvet lawn under a white-blooming cherry tree, said to her hostess:
Does your husband drink?
Why-er-no, not to excess, was the astonished reply.
How much does he make?
He doesn't work, said the lady. He is a capitalist.
You keep out of debt, I hope?
Of course, child. What on earth do you mean by all these impudent questions?
Impudent? said the little girl. Why, Ma'am, Mother told me to be sure and behave like a lady, and when ladies call at our rooms they always question Mother like that.
无礼的问题
一个住在城东贫民区的小女孩获得邀请,参加一位贵妇人为城东贫民区的孩子们举行的花园晚会。
在一棵开满了白色小花儿的樱桃树下,小女孩坐在柔软的草地上,一边品尝着她的茶和梅子蛋糕,一边对贵妇人说:你的丈夫酗酒吗? 呃,呃,不,他喝得不多。夫人一脸惊诧。
他挣多少钱?
他不工作,夫人回答说,他是个资本家。
我希望你们没有负债吧?
当然没有,孩子。你问这么些无礼的问题到底是想说什么呢?
无礼?小女孩说,怎么会呢,夫人?妈妈要我的举止一定要象夫人们一样,当她们到我们家做客的时候,她们总是那样问我妈妈的。
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下面是读文网小编整理的经典英语爆笑笑话,欢迎大家阅读!
A mother is admonishing her son.
Now, John, don't be selfish. Let your little brother share the bicycle with you.
But Mother, I do. I ride it down the hill, and he rides it up the hill.
别太自私
一位母亲在劝告她的儿子。
"听着,约翰,别太自私,让你的弟弟和你共用一辆自行车。" "妈妈,我是让他。我先骑下坡,他再骑上坡。"
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下面是读文网小编整理的简单英语爆笑笑话,欢迎大家阅读!
A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second."
一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."
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下面是读文网小编整理的英语爆笑小笑话,希望大家会喜欢!
A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for a butcher shop and steals a roast. Butcher goes to lawyer's office and asks, "If a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer answers, "Absolutely." "Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today." The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50. Several days later, the butcher opens the mail and finds an envelope from the lawyer: $250 due for a consultation.
律师的狗,没有拴而到处闲逛,它来到一家肉店,偷走了一块 烤肉。店主来到律师的办公室,问道“如果一条没栓的狗从我的商店里偷了块肉,我有权利从狗的主人那里要回损失吗?律师答道:“完全可以”,“那你欠我 8.50美元,你的狗没栓而且今天从我的店里头了块肉”,律师什么都没说,马上给他写了一张支票。一些天后,店主打开邮箱,发现一封来自律师的信,信上写 道:咨询费250美元。
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下面是读文网小编整理的英语爆笑笑话,欢迎大家阅读!
I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow. I had the customer change ink cartridges,delete and reinstall the drivers. Nothing worked. I asked my coworkers for help; they offered no new ideas. After over two hours of troubleshooting, I was about to tell the customer to send the printer in to us for repair when she asked quietly, "Should I try printing on a piece of white paper instead of yellow paper?"
我在惠普公司打印机部做技术支持工作已经有一个月了,有一天我接到一位客户的电话,她的问题我没办法解决。她的问题是:打印机不能打出来黄色,但是其它颜色都正常。这让我觉得很纳闷,因为三原色就是蓝、红、黄。我建议客户更换墨盒、删了驱动程序然后重新安装,但是都没有效果。我咨询同事们,他们也不知道该怎么办。经过两个多小时的交涉,我打算让客户把打印机寄给我们,这时候她平静地说了一句:“我是不是应该把这张黄纸扔了换一张白纸再打印试试。”
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下面是读文网小编整理的简单爆笑英语笑话,欢迎大家阅读!
Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley when one engages a discussion about a new restaurant."I was in that new restaurant across the street," said one. "It's so clean! The kitchen is spotless, and the floors are gleaming white. There is no dirt anywhere--it's so sanitary that the whole place shines.""Please," said the other roach frowning. "Not while I'm eating!"
两只蟑螂正在一条小巷的垃圾堆上大吃着,其中的一只谈起了它在一家新开张的餐馆里的经历。“那时我在街对面的那家新餐馆里,”它说。“那里太干净了!厨房没有一点污渍,地面闪着白光。任何地方都没有垃圾。那里是如此干净,整个地方都在发光。”“请不要在我吃东西的时候说这个好吗?”另一只蟑螂不悦地说。
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下面是读文网小编整理的爆笑英语笑话,欢迎大家阅读!
It was local election time and the candidate was visiting all the houses in his area.
At one house a small boy answered the door. "Tell me, young man," said the politician. "Is your Mommy in the Republican Party or the Democratic Party?"
"Neither," said the child, "she's in the bathroom."
正值当地竞选时期,候选人到他的区域的千家万户登门拜访。
候选人来到了一家门口,一个小男孩开了门。“告诉我,年轻人,”候选人问道,“你母亲是在共和党还是在民主党?”
“都不是,”孩子答到,“她在浴室。”
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下面是读文网小编整理的英语简单爆笑笑话,希望大家会喜欢!
Jimmy is three years old.
吉米3岁了。
One day, he was gazing out of the window when the night fell. He suddenly shouted, "Mum, mum, come close the window!"
一天,他正在窗口观望,夜幕降临。他突然喊道:“妈妈,妈妈,快来关窗!”
"Why? It's not cold, sonny."
“为什么?天不冷呀,宝贝。”
"Yes, mum, but the night will come inside."
“是的,妈妈,可黑夜会进来。”
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下面是读文网小编整理的爆笑英语小笑话,欢迎大家阅读!
An elderly couple goes to Burger King, where they carefully split a burger and fries.
一对老夫妇在汉堡王餐厅吃饭,他们小心翼翼地将汉堡和薯条分成两份。
A trucker takes pity on them and offers to buy the wife her own meal.
一个卡车司机非常同情他们,就提议想给老太太单独点一份。
"It's all right," says the husband. "We share everything."
“没关系的。”老先生说,“我们分享一切。”
A few minutes later, the trucker notices that the wife hasn't taken a bite.
几分钟后,卡车司机注意到老太太还没动口吃一点东西。
"I really wouldn't mind buying your wife her own meal," he insists.
他再次对老先生说,“我真的不介意请您妻子吃一顿……”
"She'll eat," the husband assures him. "We share everything."
“她会吃的,”老先生向他保证,“我们分享一切。”
Unconvinced, the trucker implores the wife, "Why aren't you eating?"
司机不太相信,恳求老太太,“你为什么不吃一点?”
The wife snaps, "Because I'm waiting for the teeth!"
老太太咂咂嘴,“我在等他的假牙。”
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